Family Values.

I have a very large family as far as blood is concerned. My Nan on my Dad's side has eight children, one of my uncles on that side has at least nine. On my Mum's side there is only one uncle, but he has a child as well, plus there's my Nan, Brother and Nephew, so it's a fair sized family.

Thing is, it feels like a small family. My Dad's family make most T.V. Soap families look calm, friendly and normal. There's a history of kids being sent to special schools, (for their behavioural issues), I'm not sure how many of my uncles committed GBH or ABH, but I'm sure it was most of them. There's also mild drug use, (cannabis), and racism. One of my uncles was proud of his seven year old son when he got put on report at school for beating up a Pakistani child just because of his race. The only one I cared about on that side was my Granddad, who wasn't even related to me by blood. My Dad wasn't his child. Granddad died some years ago, which left me with nothing to tie me to my Dad's side of the family.

My parents split when I was about 14 and I stayed with my Dad, not out of choice but my Mum was moving in with her Mum, and there was simply no room for me. I was stuck with my Dad whom I loved, so I didn't have the slightest idea what was in store for me. He introduced me to the woman who was to become my not-quite-stepmother, (they never married), the very night my Mother left. From then on he was a different man. He quickly moved us in with her, which meant me leaving the only home I could remember. She has two children, both older than me, her son was a drug addict who slowly took most of my possessions. For a while one of my Dad's other children, my half-brother, came to live with us and did the same damn thing!

My Dad himself moved to Spain with my Stepmother some time ago, leaving me to support myself while in collage. I failed, meaning I had to leave collage in order to keep a roof over my head. That combined with my Dad's drugs habit, (cannabis), his uncaring behaviour, (he once tried to steal something left to me by a much-loved Aunt), and the fact he pretty much ignored my step-brother and half-brother stealing most of my belongings, leaves me not very fond of him at all. He's back in the country, in fact he's recently found my Mum on Facebook, but frankly I couldn't care less. I don't intend to let him back into my life after he's caused some of the darkest times I've suffered.

My uncle on my Mum's side hasn't seen me in years, he only visits his own mother every few years or so. I wouldn't know him or his son if I walked right into them.

So my family consists of my Mum, who now lives locally on her own, my Brother and Nephew, who live a couple of hours drive away, and my Nan who is now in a home with Alzheimer's and doesn't even know who I am. It suddenly feels like a small world. The one I'm closest to is my Mum, we talk on the 'phone almost every day, see each other every few weeks and go to visit Nan together. She's the one who helped pay my rent when I couldn't afford it, she's supported me through several bad relationships and multiple occasions of moving house, plus hundreds of other times she's been there for me.

In short, I have a smaller family than I ever realised. My Nan doesn't recognise me any more, my Brother lives too far away for regular visits so I hardly know him, my Dad is someone I don't want around. My family consists of one: my Mum.

From a family of many I have suddenly found myself with just one. Okay, that one person more than makes up for the nightmare of the rest, but it was still a bit of a shock when I realised.